This is the AbsurdWatch graveyard. This is is where prior months' attractions go after they have passed out of the Collective Memory and into sensationalism heaven, much the same way that news stories go in the Social Construct. Feel free to browse, the links still work. If you find a mistake or a broken link, drop me an email at Nicole_Terry@nicoleterrycreates.com (or just click on the E-mail me link on the navigation bar) and let me know. AbsurdWatch Graveyard Headlines (click on the [Link] for the full story) September 28, 2008 HOSPITAL TELLS 71-YEAR-OLD GRANDFATHER HE'S PREGNANT Uh, what?!!!!!! This is what happens when humans let computers do the thinking for them More follows.... [Link] CELL PHONE BILLS KEEP COMING AFTER WOMAN'S DEATH More of people letting computers do the thinking. [Link] BANK'S DEPOSIT GOOF LEADS TO LAWSUIT, THEFT CHARGE Frankly, this is typical in today's incompetent world. [Link] ND OUTFITTER PLEADS GUILTY TO SHOOTING EAGLE DECOY From the page: "He was arrested in March near his hunting excursion business, the same day investigators with U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service set up the stuffed eagle decoy as a way to lure him into shooting it." Isn't that entrapment?  It's not too cool to shoot eagles and it's not too cool to entrap people either. [Link] CALIFORNIA WARNS PEOPLE NOT TO FLUSH PHARMACEUTICALS Must people be told what to do about everything? Doesn't anyone think for themselves anymore? Is anyone aware? [Link] RAW FOODISTS ARRESTED FOR TRAFFICKING CHOCOLATE Another example of people who don't think for themselves. And I'm not talking about the raw foodists who were arrested. [Link] 7 HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL PLAYERS ACCUSED OF SMOKING POT If they were only accused of smoking pot, why were they punished? [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion.... Who Does *Your* Thinking? The Evolution of Propaganda Design [Link] September 26, 2008 WOMAN NOT SHOT DURING COMMOTION Wait... what? [Link] IOWA COLLEGE APOLOGIZES FOR OFFENSIVE TYPO First, read this to get the full impact of this typo. [Link] EIGHTH-GRADE BOY FIGHTS FOR RIGHT TO WEAR MAKEUP I think he should hire Kiss to do a protest concert. [Link] TOTING GUN AT SOCCER COSTS MOM HER PERMIT Yeah, she had a permit, then some parents complained, now she doesn't have a permit. Oh, the power of whining. [Link] WEARABLE AIRBAG FOR THE ELDERLY UNVEILED So, you don't fall down and go 'boom'. [Link] BOMB SQUAD EXPLODE HOTDOGS AFTER TERROR THREAT And speaking of things that go boom.... [Link] DOCS TAKE CHILDREN FROM GRANDPARENTS 'OVER BUM SMACK' Another case of irreparable lack of common sense (or any autonomous thought). That would be on the part the DOCS, not the grandparents. [Link] GREETINGS FROM VULGAR BRITAIN: OFFENSIVE AND OBSCENE CARDS SHAME OUR COUNTRY Check out the one with Hilda. That's the one I'm getting for dear old mom this Christmas. [Link] ORLANDO WOMAN SEES JESUS IN SHELLS These Jesus sightings are getting to be like Bigfoot. Hey, wait. Maybe... [Link] SAUSAGE CAUSES CHAOS AT STOCKHOLM AIRPORT First, terroristic hotdogs and now chaos-causing sausages. This dangerous food problem needs to be eradicated! [Link] 5TH GRADER SUSPENDED FOR ANTI-OBAMA SHIRT A lawyer's wet dream. [Link] COMIC INSULTS POPE; SPARED PROSECUTION Well, shouldn't he just forgive her or something? [Link] MAN DEAD 'FOR SOME TIME' IN WINNIPEG ER BEFORE STAFF ALERTED Woops, close call! [Link] MOTHER FURIOUS AFTER SCHOOL BUS DUMPS CHILD IN NEW YORK CITY STREETS The child lived across the street from the school. I repeat, the child lived across the street from the school. [Link] CLOWNS' TEARS AFTER LIVE MUSIC BAN Oh, the tears of a clow-ow-ow-n. [Link] DESIGNER VAGINA TREND 'WORRYING' You can say that again. [Link] NEBRASKA COLLEGE TOWN LEGISLATORS BAN THE PORCH COUCH Come on! How could you not like the porch couch?! [Link] NICHOLS TRIAL LOSES JUROR ON DAY 1 Well, that's one way to get out of jury duty. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion.... What's your geographic personality? THE UNITED STATES OF MIND [Link] September 23, 2008 MAN VOWS TO FIGHT GARDEN GNOME ARREST THREAT Okay, now that you are through laughing at the headline, this is from the page: "They served him with a notice under the Protection From Harassment Act 1997 for "placing a garden gnome with intent to cause harassment to Mr John McLean"." Those damn pesky garden gnomes! They should be arrested. Always harassing people, while dressed in police uniforms! Is there no decency anymore?! [Link] CITY BYLAWS TORPEDO PIRATE SHIP TREE HOUSE Now, we just have to let bylaws be bylaws, matey. [Link] MR. AVERAGE BREAKS THE LAW AT LEAST ONCE A DAY FROM SPEEDING TO ILLEGAL DOWNLOADING What about Mrs. Average? [Link] BILLBOARD URGES QUESTIONING OF RELIGION I would have went with the 'No hell below us' but this works, too. [Link] EYEBROWS RAISED OVER CITY SCHOOL POLICY THAT SETS 50% AS MINIMUM SCORE I don't know why eyebrows are raised, it's about something was done to keep children from feeling bad about themselves. What kind of automaton civilization full of submitizens can you have if the subjects are running around feeling  bad about themselves? They might decide to do something about that. Wait, naaaahh. Never mind. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion....[Link] September 21, 2008 DONKEY JAILED FOR STEALING From the page, "The man who had his ass thrown in jail got off with a fine of 50 Egyptian pounds ($11.40)." Stupid, dumbass! [Link] GRANBURY RESIDENT SEES SOMETHING SATANIC IN TEAM'S PIRATE FLAG Look out everyone, it's the banner of doom! Panic! Panic! [Link] SPERM WARFARE Be on the look out for a new style of pick-up lines from the guys, ladies. Something along the lines of, "Yeah, there's a sperm warfare in my pants right now. And I need your help to stop it." [Link] JESUS IN THE DRYWALL There's a video in case you want to see The Man himself. [Link] JESUS APPEARS ON CEILING Seems there is some kind of conflict. This lady claims Jesus appeared on the ceiling. [Link] SWEDISH NAME BLOCKED BY RYANAIR The absurdity continues unabated... [Link] September 19, 2008 DRIVER FINED £50 FOR CAR PARK NAP Apparently, today was the day of car napping fines. Absurdity continues...[Link] HUGE BILL FOR OVERSTAYING PIZZA WELCOME More featuring vehicles and fines and parking lots. Ridiculousness continues, apparently unabated... [Link] NEIGHBORS BATTLE OVER OVERGROWN WASHINGTON COUNTY LAWN Sometimes I have real difficulty believing my eyes when I read the news. Does this happen to anyone else? [Link] WOMAN SUFFERS ORGASM-RELATED STROKE Now, seriously how many of you out there were thinking to yourself, "Wow! That must've been some goooooood stuff." Come on, tell the truth. The absurdity is that this was news. [Link] SCHOOL ACCIDENTALLY LOCATED NEXT TO TOPLESS BAR In biology class, the kids only have to look out the window. 'Course there's the chance mommy or daddy may be seen entering the bar. Or one of the teachers, or the principal. Come to think of it, maybe it wasn't accidental. Maybe it was convenience. Drop the kids off, patronize the topless bar right next door. Saves on gas and everything!  [Link] WOMAN SUMMONED TO COURT OVER 63-CENTS IN CHILD SUPPORT Does it seem like you're walking around inside of a Candid Camera reality show to anyone else? Or is that just me?.  [Link] CLARK COUNTY CONSIDERS BANNING CAR WASHES IN DRIVEWAYS The most aburd thing about this is that people just accept this kind of ridiculousness. [Link] IT WILL SOON COST EVERYONE CASH TO RIDE IN THE HOV LANE When does the absurdity end? [Link] SWIMMER'S GOGGLES GET HIM BANNED FROM POOL Once again, people who agree that a piece of paper gives them authority, are telling people what to do. [Link] September 17, 2008 CHRISTMAS BANNED BY PC COLLEGE CHIEFS When is someone going to stand up and finally say to everyone, "Look, this whole diversity thing has gone far enough."? [Link] TEXAS HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT TOLD ROSARY IS 'GANG SYMBOL' I must admit that's the first I've heard of that. [Link] SOCIAL NETWORKS FOR THOSE STILL IN DIAPERS So, I guess this means that Junior's first word will be "LOL"? [Link] PLAY BAN HITS KIDS' HEALTH It's not so much the kids' health as that there is a ban on playing. Therein lies the absurdity, folks. [Link] TOOL FROM TEEN'S PART-TIME JOB GETS HIM SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL I'd like to see that same person who finally speaks up about the whole diversity thing to also address the whole zero tolerance=no common sense thing. [Link] and now for your little piece of fun.....Pie Fights THESE 50-YEAR-OLDS AREN'T TOO MATURE TO THROW PIE [Link] This isn't absurd, it just says that none of this crap really matters...so let's be silly and throw pies. September 14, 2008 BAKED POTATOES BANNED IN SCHOOL Although, the headline may seem to encompass the breadth of the absurdity of this article, do not be misled. The real absurdity arises in the comment from the article that there are "nutritionally analyzed" school menus. If before you had doubted that civilization was not an automation, this should remove all doubt. [Link] HIGH SCHOOL BANS PURSES IN THE CLASSROOM This is more of the same from the Cult of Fear. There's a big bad wolf lurking behind every corner, and apparently within every purse. [Link] WAVING GOODBYE TO THE BUS Rising gas prices may be the new way to alternative health. What else will pulling this sociological lever lead to? [Link] QUEBEC MAN CHANGES NAME TO DODGE RELENTLESS AIRPORT SCREENING The absurdity deepens at the airport. [Link] 'TAKE A CHILD OUTSIDE' WEEK GAINS SOME GROUND That this must be an official recommendation and not something obvious that children do (or, in some cases, are allowed to do) is what makes this absurd. [Link] TENANT, LANDLORD LOCKED IN BATTLE From the page: Landlord: "'He was supposed to pay me $800 a month, but he only ever paid me $200 to $300 a week,'" That's it! I'm drinking the kool-aid. Who's with me? [Link] SPEEDING HAMSTER OVERTAKES RUSH-HOUR TRAFFIC Come on! Who doesn't love cute little hamsters in a hamster ball...in the middle of rush-hour traffic? [Link] CHUTZPAH HITS THE RAILS This is what's known as people who do stupid things blaming other people for their stupidity. [Link] JUDGE THROWS OUT $1 MILLION LAWSUIT OVER BROKEN DESIGNER UMBRELLA Are you kidding me?! [Link] September 12, 2008 DOG APPEARS AS WITNESS IN MURDER TRIAL From the page: "It is said to have "barked furiously". " 'Nuff said! [Link] EMAIL BECOMES A DANGEROUS DISTRACTION Does anyone else sometimes get the feeling that we're all walking around in B-grade science fiction movie? I mean, wasn't the whole point of technology supposed to be to create more leisure time for humans and to make mundane activities easier and quicker? So, what happened? Have humans became slave to the gadget? [Link] SPRINGS PRINCIPAL REGRETS MAKING STUDENTS LOOK AT FECES, URINE Now, the real question here, folks, is where did the principal obtain said feces and urine? And who's was it? And did he wash his hands afterwards? [Link] CREDIT CRISIS BLAMED FOR RISING NUMBER OF ADULTEROUS WIVES Let's be honest here. This has got to be the best excuse of the century. I mean, first the tooth fairy and now this. Pretty soon, everyone is going to use this. "Sorry I was late, boss, but you know how it is with this damn credit crisis." "Sorry, I can't show up for work today, credit crisis, you know how it is." "Please excuse Little Billy from school today. He is suffering from the credit crisis." Come on! [Link] FAMILY BEDEVILLED BY GIRL'S BEASTLY ID NUMBER Uhm, nope, I'm not going to touch this one. [Link] PROPOSAL WOULD BAN METAL BATS FOR YOUTH BASEBALL From the page: "But an Illinois State University study found metal bats were not much more dangerous than the wooden ones used in the Major Leagues." As such, I am confused as to why the big bad fearful adults feel the need to exercise their illusory banning powers to ban metal bats. Anyone? [Link] MICROSOFT PATENTS 'PAGE UP' AND 'PAGE DOWN' Hmm, I'm thinking of patenting ctrl alt del, and then having just those three keys removed from every keyboard on the planet. Yea, no one will ever again be able to use the ctrl alt del combination to rescue themselves from a frozen  program. Havoc and frustration will erupt all over the planet. Think it can't be done? Yeah, well, click on the [Link] CHILDREN AGED EIGHT ENLISTED AS COUNCIL SNOOPERS Can't let kids have metal bats, but it's quite all right to teach them to spy, er, snoop on their neighbors and report them. The name given to these pint sized 'private detectives' is Street Scene Champions. I'm not making that up. [Link] ISLAND FOURTH GRADER SUSPENDED FOR USING BROKEN PENCIL SHARPENER From the page: "District spokesman Randy Wall said school administrators are stuck in the precarious position between the district's zero tolerance policy against having weapons at school and common sense." Well, that about sums it up. [Link] now for today's Daily Illusion....A trip down memory lane. With a nod to the LHC. APOCALYPSE NOW? 30 DAYS WHEN THE WORLD DIDN'T END [Link] September 10, 2008 RUSSIA IN LEGAL BID TO BAN "EXTREMIST" U.S. CARTOON When a cartoon upsets or offends you, you might be an ideological, illusion-riddled, general believing, automaton. [Link] TOOTH FAIRY GIVES LESS DURING CREDIT CRUNCH Man, the tooth fairy has really fallen on hard times, maybe more than the rest of us.... Considering the tooth fairy, like the economy, is imaginary. [Link] MAN COOKED HIS BREAKFAST ON TRAIN He was charged with theft. Yeah, that's the absurdity. There's nothing else to see here, folks! [Link] KFC SHORING UP SECURITY FOR SECRET RECIPE WARNING: This is not from the Onion. I repeat, not from the Onion. [Link] ALIVE... BUT PENNILESS: FATHER GIVES AWAY SAVINGS AFTER CANCER VERDICT, THEN DOCTORS CHANGE THEIR MINDS Doctors: "We're sorry, Mr. Lees, we have bad news. You have cancer and it's terminal." Mr. Lees: "Oh no. Welp, I'd better set my affairs in order and give away all my money since I won't be needing it." One year  later.... Doctors: "Woops!" [Link] TWIN GIRLS BORN EITHER SIDE OF MIDNIGHT TO BE SPLIT UP IN SCHOOL -- BECAUSE THEY FALL IN DIFFERENT ACADEMIC YEARS Listen, I hope this is the last time I have to say this, policy is policy! [Link] ADULTS SPOTTED WITHOUT CHILDREN TO BE INTERROGATED BY PARK WARDENS Putting aside the fact that there are 'park wardens', I guess the old adage "Just out for a walk in the park" is no longer a sufficient reason for being in the park. [Link] BOY, 13, BULLIED AFTER LOSING HIS HAIR IS BANNED FROM WEARING BASEBALL CAP TO SCHOOL Different people, different names, different stage, but the same rule, "policy is policy." [Link] September 8, 2008 CATCHING RAIN WATER IS AGAINST THE LAW This is so ludicrous, I'm speechless. Who would believe that rain water is against the law? [Link] PA. WOMAN GUILTY OF KILLING BOYFRIEND OVER BAGEL How far has civilization come when people are killing each other over bagels? Bagels! [Link] GRANDPARENTS' FEUD OVER HOMEWORK PUTS THEM IN JAIL Helping your child with his homework has crossed a whole other level. [Link] HEY, CELLPHONE MOM: YOUR CHILDREN ARE CALLING Does this mean that little Billy and/or Sally's first words will be, in text-speak, "How r u?" [Link] September 6, 2008 TOO SCARY? Once again, a group of people are complaining to some corporation for not taking the responsibility of thinking for them good enough. Somebody ought to go up to the big bad company and shake their finger at it, yelling, "Now, you know better than to scare the kids! Bad company! Bad! Bad! Bad!" [Link] HOODIES, HATS BANNED FROM SHOPS You know, if they're just going to ban them from shops, don't you think corporations would at least have the decency to not produce them and to stop churning out buttloads of advertising branding people from wanting to buy this fashion statement anymore? I mean, the indecency of it all. I think I'll go find a group of people to chastise those pesky shops and the people who are pulling their strings. [Link] POLICE BANNED FROM WEARING REFLECTIVE SUNGLASSES Oh come on! How are the cops going to look cool if they can't wear reflective sunglasses. I mean, seriously! Who hasn't seen one of those films with the good-looking, chiseled, manly cop with high-toned muscles bulging out of his uniform, a three day old beard, a smirk on his face, and those cool reflective sunglasses so you can't see the coolness in his eyes? How could they do this? That's it! Those cops should demand that their coolness not be stripped from them? I mean, what are they going to do now? Every time they go up to some measly civilian, they may have cooler sunglasses on than the cops! Wouldn't that be a travesty? How are the cops going to exert their perceived authority now? Oh no; by banning reflective sunglasses the entire hierarchy could tumble. [Link]   September 4, 2008 COUNCIL REFUSES TO CLEAN UP SPILT BIN WITHOUT STAFF QUALIFIED TO WEAR WELLINGTON BOOTS Yes, this headline may sound ridiculous, but this kind of stuff actually happens. Have you ever thought about what happens or does not happen as a result of some policy (forgetting for the moment that policy themselves, in their current form, are an absurd notion, and also forgetting for the moment that this particular policy may or may not be the result of insanity)? A policy is written by a group of certified people whom you do not know and who may reside in a place far from you, yet, you may be forced to abide by this policy, not because it is a good policy, but simply because it was written down by that group of certified people and simply because you, as someone who is not certified, must abide by that policy, or else. Doesn't that seem absurd? [Link] MOTHER THROWN OUT OF JOBCENTRE FOR BOTTLE FEEDING HER BABY Another example of the policy factor. This woman had been discarded from a building simply because the bottle she was inserting into her baby's mouth was considered food by a policy. What's weirder than that, is that people have become used to following written down thoughts (words) extrinsic to their own thoughts. In other words, if no policy were in place, would people do or not do a certain act? What is specifically "wrong" with a mother feeding her baby inside of a building? Nothing, you would think, when the question is put that way? But what if a mother were feeding her baby at a "JobCenter" (which is really just another building with a big sign on the front, or a piece of paper with that building's location on it, and titling that building Job Center)? In a JobCentre there are policies that must be followed in order to work inside of or visit. But in a building what policies are there? So, if people are following policies, they are subject to a written entity (in other words, not real) identified as Job Centre. [Link] THE CLBUTTIC MISTAKE: WHEN OBSCENITY FILTERS GO WRONG This is just ridiculous. But the absurd part is that there are filters like this in the first place. Does that mean that words (words, mind you!) have become so dangerous (in the minds of other people) that a filter is necessary to insure that certain people beneath a certain age do not see them? I mean, really; think about it. Tell me, how is the exclusion of certain words going to have any kind of beneficial impact on another human being? For that matter, how would the inclusion of certain words have any kind of beneficial impact? See, it's not really about the exlusion or inclusion of words, but that certain words have been transformed into another word "obscenity" (assuming for the moment that we all have the same definition of "obscene"). A word! How is it possible, for a word to be considered obscene? What's more obscene? A word? Or the act committed? And if it is the act committed, then wouldn't the judgment of whether or not that act were obscene or not be up to whomever was involved? Why is it that we accept that other people can decide for us what something is or is not? [Link] BEER MAKER WINS FIGHT TO MARKET 'LEGAL WEED' From the article: "'They acted like Big Brother. They said I was guilty of a thought crime,' Dillmann said of his six-month battle with the authorities." Orwell just rolled over in vindication. [Link] OZ TEACHER FORCES STUDENT TO WRITE F-WORD IN PUNISHMENT Again with words. Have you ever thought about how ridiculous is the notion "bad words"? Or "good words" for that matter? How strange are humans, that we consider words to have some sort of inherent goodness or badness? And then because of that inherent goodness or badness, one or more human beings would determine that another human being is bad or good for uttering that word. [Link] WORKER ARRAIGNED IN POSTING OF SIGN Lest, you misunderstand the absurdity in this, the sign read "Whites Only" and was posted at a drinking fountain. I mean, really, this is an excellent example of the power of social conditioning. A prior social conditioning was so effective, that even now, many years later, the impact of the social conditioning continues to be profound. What about other forms of social conditioning? What about social conditioning (such as text-ese, policies, "Bad" words, obscenity filters, dependency upon gadgets, etc)  that is happening now? How far into the future will it still have an effect? [Link] STUDENTS MAY NEED TO STUDY UP BEFORE PROM Doesn't this demonstrate that schools are a preposterous invention? Or does it demonstrate that schools have nothing to do with education, but everything to do with training in obedience, hierarchical positioning, social status, economic status, and non-thinking? [Link] SCHOOL BUS DRIVER SUSPENDED AFTER GETTING LOST Why was the bus driver suspended? What had he done wrong exactly? Assuming, for lack of contradicting evidence, that the bus driver is telling the truth and he did get lost, what was his "violation"? And what did he violate? That constituted him being suspended? Or was it because there were little kids aboard the bus at the time? Think about the implication of that. Think about how that attempts to skew the story. Think about how that would normalize the "fact" that the bus driver was suspended. [Link] THE AVERAGE PERSON ONLY GETS 63 MINUTES OF PEACE AND QUIET EACH DAY This is disturbing. How complicated does your life have to be that you would only get 63 minutes of peace and quiet each day? How full of unnecessary action and wasted energy would you have to be engaged in that you would only have 63 minutes of peace and quiet each day? Look at your life. How much time do you get each day that is devoted solely to peace and quiet? No cell phones ringing, no land phones ringing, no computer on, no television on, no appliances running, no car running, no noise from people chattering at the table or cubicle next to you, no yelling, no arguments, none of that stuff. How much time do you experience in a day, if at all, without the aforementioned list?  [Link] September 2, 2008 DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN? ABOUT 100,000 YEARS OF EVOLUTION The issue here isn't really the difference between men and women, but about how people have become slaves to their gadgets. Are you this plugged in to your little gadgets that even the wilderness becomes a wi-fi station? How much do you depend on your appliances and gadgets? Would you be lost without them? Don't you think it's weird that people are so dependent on things? [Link] CHILDREN TO GET LESSONS IN PLAYING From the article, "He added that parents and teachers should stop worrying about getting sued and defy the compensation culture by encouraging children play." I couldn't have said it better myself. [Link] SAME-SEX SCHOOL BALLS A TOUGH TOPIC Not only is the topic ridiculous and absurd, but you know they chose to write that headline title like that on purpose. Please note that the article mentions gays is not the reason why the topic is absurd. It is absurd because it is a topic, and a tough one at that. [Link] ZAPPED AMTRAK TRESPASSER SUES Honestly, there is not enough protection for this kind of stupidity. [Link] THE £3,000 'TXT-SPK' POSTER THAT 'UNDERMINES ENGLISH TEACHING' This is just scary, as well as absurd. The Social Construct is turning everyone into perfect little robots who can plug into their individual mainframes. If you're a perfect little robot, you'll never give any thought to your own sentience, but only to upgrading your mainframe. You'll spend your entire life consuming for the next upgrade, without ever knowing anything except that which is supplied, without ever doing anything except follow instructions, without ever thinking about anything, except what is thought for you. [Link] August 31, 2008 FAN EJECTED FROM YANKEE STADIUM FOR BATHROOM BREAK See, you have to understand that people who are employed as cops are people with ideologies just like everyone else. People have to abandon their conditioned thinking about the authority label "Cops." It's not so much that this cop ejected this fan from Yankee stadium, because it's really about the fact that this "cop" has ideologies about thought-conditioning words like "America" and "Patriotism" so, of course he would eject the fan for daring to tread on those ideologies at its most ideological. The real question is why is it in the news? Well, to reinforce the ideologies of all those watching/reading of course. The Social Construct depends on it. [Link] PA. TOWN SUED AFTER REJECTING POLE-DANCING STUDIO Here, again, we have more ideologies causing problems. In this instance, ideologies and the prejudices (pre judgements) spawned by them were caused by certain colors and a certain shoe on a certain website. Amazing stuff, social conditioning. See my video blog here for more information. [Link] ANGRY TELEMARKETER CALLS BACK, BERATES MAN AFTER HE HANGS UP For comic relief: think about this the next time you hang up on one of those pesky telemarketers. [Link] LILBURN MAN WITH 25 DOGS GETS 2 YEARS' PROBATION FOR NOISE The comments at the end of the article are the real treat. But what a wonderful platform that is, huh? The capability for your peers to behave as judge and jury in a public forum, called "Comments section". Adding to the "reality" of every incident, and burning the pertinent and subliminal conditioning onto the brain, further reinforcing the idea that the Social Construct is true, real, and concrete. The news is full of the same event, told in a thousand different ways. Like the same parable told over and over, but using different actors and stage setting. Through this repetition the lesson to be learned (the conditioned response) is strengthened until it is as if you are having the thought yourself (free will), even though people 'salivate' (emotional response) at the first mention. How many of you were angered immediately about the first story here (fan/Yankee Stadium)? How many of you were repulsed at the second (Pole-Dancing)? And how many of you laughed at the third (angry telemarketer)? What did you do at this news story (cute dogs/noise)? [Link] POLICE SUMMON 3 WHO TOOK NAKED PLUNGE All I can say, is that that must have been some sandwich. [Link] August 29, 2008 MAN'S 'PANTS' PASSWORD IS CHANGED I guess the bank didn't see the humor. But this is part of the "I can't believe this is news" section of today's AbsurdWatch. Further absurdity continues. . . [Link] FAVORITISM DAMAGES CHILDREN This explains a lot, doesn't it? But again, why was it necessary for a such a study to be done? And why is this news? Because all of your thinking is supplied to you. [Link] SHE'D RATHER GO TO JAIL What Ms. Karkos doesn't understand here is that it does not matter what she believes, she still has to return the book. See, Ms. Karkos believes that what she believes is so tantamount to the existence of the human race that she believes that whatever she believes about something should extend over the entire globe, in this way her beliefs can remain intact and unchallenged. This is known as xenophobic megalomania. Those afflicted often suffer from a heightened sense of entitlement, as well as an acute and chronic need to be a nuisance to rational beings. Xenophobic megalomania is incurable and untreatable. [Link] EMOTIONAL PAIN HURTS MORE THAN PHYSICAL PAIN, RESEARCHERS SAY This may explain why so many people want to ban words, because hurtful words are far, far more damaging than just being punched in the face. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion....I hate to see the misspellings of the future. FUTURESE: THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE IN 3000 AD [Link] August 27, 2008 PLAN TO EXHUME CARDINAL IS 'HOMOPHOBIC' Don't you just love the way the media fans public opinion? It's particularly interesting when one or more ideologies are clashed together to create conflict. [Link] PRIMARY SCHOOL BANS CARTWHEELS, HANDSTANDS When there is something that could be potentially dangerous (read: school liable for lawsuits from parents) then those activities must be banned, in order to "protect the children." Too bad all those kinds of activities are fun. [Link] UP TO 500 NORTH TEXAS STUDENTS SUSPENDED OVER BELTS Mm hmm, over belts. Absurdity continues... [Link] SAT SCORES REMAIN  AT 10-YEAR LOW The state of education in the US. Could there possibly be a correlation between this result and all the other news stories about violations of dress codes and banning cheerleading uniforms and incorrect belts? I wonder... [Link] CHARGES DROPPED AGAINST WOMAN WHO REGISTERED HER DOG TO VOTE Ms. Balogh asks in the article, "I'm a nobody. I'm just a plain old lady who loves her country and nobody is responding," Balogh said. "What does it take to get somebody to listen?" Well, I have an answer for you, Ms. Balogh. Because it's all a bunch of bullsh*t. [Link] DELAYED BY HER BRA, AIR PASSENGER IS INDIGNANT Another victim in the war between "it's policy" and "just doing my job, ma'am." [Link] PALM BAY TEEN CHARGED IN COMPUTER -RELATED RAMPAGE Is this the new symptom caused by being plugged in? [Link] EMPLOYEES SAY ABERCROMBIE & FITCH IS JUDGING WORKERS BASED ON LOOKS Welcome to the world of marketing the fantasy of prescribed beauty in all its forms, at a price. Of course, those who are not deemed beautiful are going to be upset. Could social engineering be breeding a new kind of -ism? Beauty-ism? Again, social engineering at its finest, here folks! [Link] POLICE GRILL MUM OVER BREAST PUMP Here is where ignorance is mistaken for "indecent exposure." It should read that the mum was a victim of ignorance. [Link] August 26, 2008 REMEMBER 'GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY?' Do you? When was the last time you have seen kids outside playing? Around here, where I live, I am aware that children live nearby, but an entire summer went by, and I never saw one child outside playing in their yards. It's better to have the kids inside plugged in to video games, television sets, computers, ipods, cell phones, etc. because they will become future consumers, and it's best to brand them early.  [Link] U.S. COLLEGES MOVING TO RETIRE CAFETERIA TRAYS This tidbit of bureaucratic and logistic brilliance is brought to you by the address the symptom and not the cause foundation. But do people really understand just how controlled their lives are, to the point that their dependence is hooked to a cafeteria tray? [Link] OUT WITH THE OLD: ROAD SIGN 'INSULTS PENSIONERS' That these pensioners are insulted by a road sign says that they hook their identities and well beings to a road sign. Let me say that again, a road sign. It makes them think, "people will think I'm old if they see that road sign, and then it'll remind me that I am old, bursting my carefully designed bubble of delusions, and I don't want to deal with that." [Link] BASEBALL BROUHAHA GOES INTO EXTRA INNINGS Footloose for baseball. If 'it's all about the kids,' why are only the parents and coaches (adults) upset? And why are they upset? Because it's about time somebody did something to stop children from ruining their parents' cathartic relationship with them. Like when Dad couldn't play baseball in school because of that really good kid who took all the fun out of the game, he just doesn't want his boy to have to experience the same kind of surrender he did. I mean, that's just love people. Or it could just be a lesson in whining the adults are trying to pass on to the kids, to keep them dependent. "Whaa, that kid is better, Daddy State please make him stop."  [Link] NEEDVILLE BOY TUCKS IN HIS LONG HAIR TO START KINDERGARTEN Did you ever wonder that if schools were all about learning and scholarship, this wouldn't even be news? How would you like to be this little kid? What lessons he's learning, huh? [Link] FLAPPING FLAG OK, PAINTED FLAG IS NOT A symbol is a symbol is a symbol. What difference does it make what form it takes as long as you believe? [Link] PRIEST ORGANIZES NUN BEAUTY CONTEST This is just funny. Hey, nuns are people, too! And they deserve to be paraded about like dogs in a dog show. [Link] CHEERLEADER UNIFORMS BANNED FROM SCHOOL Another example of people with titles who believe themselves to be in authority and have some semblance of control over others trying to exert that belief in the name of policy. [Link] August 24, 2008 TOWN DECLARES ALL-OUT WAR ON MENACE OF DIVEBOMBER SEAGULLS Notice the terror words associated with the seagulls in the headline of this article. "War," "Menace," "Divebomber." Now, it may seem as if only seagulls are being talked about here, but that's not all. What happens in a mind that has been controlled and raised on media (this includes more than just television) and educated/trained with BASIC english language and that thinks in this BASIC english language? Especially when what is being imported are terror words, words that incite the fight or flight response that has been conditioned through media. Anxiety occurs and the fight or flight response--because this is civilized society--becomes a flight to some external party to eradicate the "terror." However, the terror is imagined. [Link] ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS RETURNING TO MEXICO IN RECORD NUMBERS Notice again the use of conditioned response words, like "illegal immigrants." The ideology about illegal immigrants is that 'they don't belong here,' 'they take the good jobs,' and that 'they should go back to where they came from.' By using the reaction words "illegal immigrants" in the headline, it will capture any ideology based mind (particularly if that mind has been conditioned to hate illegal immigrants) and the conditioned responses will occur, completely coloring the article under that response. In other words, it doesn't matter what the article says, everything is determined in the mind of the ideological reader with the headline, they're just not aware of it. [Link] NO-LEFT-TURN REQUEST AIMED AT EFFICIENCY This is what is known as treating the symptom and not curing the disease, or addressing the effect, but not the cause. [Link] MEN BANNED FROM NATIONAL PARKS AFTER VANDALISM Wait until you read what the vandalism was. What's absurd is that they were arrested and with what they were charged. They should've been hired! [Link] August 22, 2008 PARENTS OUTRAGED AFTER COP USES WINDSOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS' MYSPACE PAGES FOR INTERNET SAFETY ASSEMBLY What if this cop was not trying to insult these students, but was trying to shock them into comprehending the some kinds of people that may be looking at their myspace pages? Perhaps the cop was not trying to speak unfavorably about the students, but trying to get the students to understand how the person who would look at their myspace page in such a way that would warrant them to seek them out. Perhaps the cop was trying to get them to understand that there are people in the world who don't see the pictures as "just having a good time" or "fashion."  Then again, maybe it's really myspace's fault, and we should just ban the internet all together. What?! Everybody else does it! [Link] 2 FACE TRIAL ON CHARGES OF ATTACKING PUTNAM CITY NORTH CHEERLEADING SPONSOR Put my daughter on the team! brrzap! My daughter is a wonderful cheerleader! brrzap! Really, at what point do you think to yourself, "Maybe I'm taking this cheerleading thing too seriously"? You don't because this is what happens when a social tradition such as cheerleading (which is ultimately meaningless as it holds no other significance beyond its social function) has been pumped up to be the single most important thing to a parent. More so than life itself, perhaps? [Link] HIGH-SPEED CHASE AND CRASH This is what happens when you install an exciting and stimulating video game virtual reality into an advertising/marketing branded brain that has no concept of the difference between reality and virtual reality. [Link] WISCONSIN WOMAN ARRESTED, BOOKED OVER LIBRARY FINES Wow, I guess the Library Police will get you. Thanks a lot, Stephen King! [Link] DISNEY SAYS NO TO 'MUSICAL' PANTIES Honestly, I just thought this was funny. [Link] KINDY DISCO TOO WILD FOR NEIGHBOURS What could I possible say that could sum up this kind of absurd behavior? But rules are rules, right? [Link] PO MAN FACES CHARGES FOR COOLING OFF COMBATIVE BOY - WITH A HOSE Can you believe that this is in the news? Why is it that the happenings of people you have never met or who are not your neighbors or whom you don't know at all are suddenly part of your world and your everyday life? And not because of something extraordinary, tantamount to all of humanity, or something, but for something achingly ordinary, for something mundane? Strange how we are all a part of everyone else's life through media. [Link] WATER BALLOON PRANK GETS PORT ST. LUCIE MAN ARRESTED Doesn't it seem odd to arrest someone for a water balloon prank? What message is trying to be conveyed when someone is arrested for something seemingly so insignificant? Is it to allow the mind to perceive a person dressed in a particular set of clothing and so is titled "Officer" and that this "Officer" represents a much larger entitle titled "Police" and that "Police" bring "Order" and from "Order" comes "Security"? And as long as there is "Security" no one needn't ever worry their minds with unknowns, with wonders, with curiosities, etc. [Link] SOLDIER COULD LOSE SCHOOL BOARD SEAT It is always interesting when the media clashes one or more ideologies together. Here we have a soldier (the title conjures up images of "freedom" and "fighting for freedom" and "wars on terror" and "terrorism" and "war" in general and fighting to sustain order and nationalism and patriotism and other intangibles) along with school (the title conjures up "education" and "rights" and "equality" and "obedience" and "uniformity" and "conformity" and "order" and other intangibles). But suddenly due to policy (the title conjures up such intangibles as "obedience" and "acquiescence" and "do as your told" and "don't fight" and "don't rock the boat") a conflict between "soldier" and "school" occurs in the submitizen mind. But it's okay, because somebody else will tell you what to do. [Link] GROUNDED PILOT, WIFE SUE OVER 'NO-FLY' LIST Notice the media's attempt to sway the mind to be sympathetic to the man because he is a "gulf war veteran." But there is a bit of a glitch because the "gulf war veteran" is also "muslim", which creates a bit of a conflict in the mind because the submitizen and controlled mind wants to have sympathy for the "gulf war veteran," but wants to be afraid and exterminate and war with the "muslim" because he could be a terrorist. What's absurd about this fiasco is that it is not personal against this man, but merely an after effect of extreme incompetence inherent in bureaucracy. [Link] TSA SNAFU GROUNDS NINE PLANES AT O'HARE FIELD Bear in mind that this is the same agency that tells you what you can and cannot bring on a plane. [Link] MAN SEES JESUS ON ONE SIDE OF PIECE OF WOOD Where did the image of Jesus Christ come from? According to reported history, earliest depictions of Jesus Christ did not include a beard and long hair; these characteristics did not appear until the 6th century. So, does that mean that the well-known image of Jesus Christ is but a mass cultural belief? If that is so, then what is on the piece of wood? [Link] and now for something completely disturbing...MOBILE MICROWAVE [Link] This is the epitome of why civilization is doomed. August 19, 2008 FAT CHILDREN 'SHOULD BE TAKEN FROM PARENTS' TO CURB OBESITY EPIDEMIC Could it be that what this is really about is that "The State" no longer wants to spend the money and resources involved in taking care of these children? Nah... It's probably more like as long as people continue to consume, this economy will continue, and people who having nothing to do with your life can continue having jobs. [Link] CHICKAMAUGA SCHOOL BOARD FIRES ACCUSED TEACHER See, what the accused teacher may not understand is that the school had to fire her without investigation due to simple public relations. See, as long as parents suspected, then she was by all purposes guilty, so had to be fired in order to save the school's butt. There's just no getting around the "saving our butts" policy. [Link] TEENS DEALT CHARGES OVER JOKER CARDS Odd how that line between fantasy and reality is blurred, isn't it? What's even more odd is that real people handed down a supposedly real charge to a bit of play in fantasy land manifested on a stage. Guess the joke was missed. [Link] BUTTOCK-CLENCHING AT THE BUS STOP: THE NANNY STATE'S NEW BID TO GET US ALL FIT What a great thing to do with your buttocks. Instead of sitting on them, why not clench them while you ride the bus? [Link] ATHEIST CHALLENGES 'IN GOD WE TRUST' Isn't it strange when people who don't agree with something always try to have it banned from existence, so no one else has to deal with it either? Weird behavior, don't you think? But alas, symbols can be powerful. [Link] IF WE CAN'T CUT COLLECTION WE'LL HALVE YOUR BIN SIZE The continuing saga of the Bin Wars. [Link] MOM PROTESTS UNIFIED ENROLLMENT FORM, CLAIMS BIAS AGAINST BIRACIAL KIDS Unfortunately, in this absurd Social Construct, this is probably not about racism, but about bureaucracy. They probably can't change the forms due to policy and are probably not at all being racist towards her. She just happens to be too many standard deviations from the mean. [Link] FRISCO MAN SAYS HOA WON'T LET HIM PARK PICKUP ON DRIVEWAY Look, people are going to have to understand that policy has a lot of authority. You're just going to have to learn to obey the words on the paper. Obey the words on the paper. [Link] COMING SOON: PAY-AS-YOU-GO ROAD TAX Well, it looks like the press on the slaves may just get a little heavier. [Link] WHEN SHOPPING IS A REAL ADDICTION Uh, wow. This is the new animal, folks, the consumption concrete jungle-beast. Foraging for the lowest sale and bargains at your local shopping mall. Beware or risk being out-bought! Only in a Social Construct founded upon consumption (what makes this economic system go round) can such a creature exist.  [Link] SHOPPERS 'CHEATED' AS SUPERMARKET BRANDS OFFER LESS FOR SAME PRICE Has anyone else noticed this? This is a standard in the Social Construct. Less for more of the same. [Link] CLASS-ACTION LAWSUIT CLAIMS LOTO-QUEBEC DOWNPLAYED DANGERS OF VLTs When you can't control yourself, blame your master. [Link] PETA YEARNS FOR SPOT ON BORDER FENCE Advertising and marketing work in mysterious ways. [Link] WAR ON TERROR BOARD GAME SEIZED BY POLICE What you must understand, is that if a big fuss is made about a board game called War on Terror (as silly as it may seem), it only adds to the validity and "reality" of there being a war on terror, which adds to the believability that there is terror at all, which, in turn, adds to the mental acceptance that there is governments, states, nations, and so forth. What's ironic is that the Social Construct is more like this board game, than not. [Link] MAN BANNED FOR LOUD SEX Jealousy? Do you think? [Link] August 16, 2008 TEEN FIGHTS FOR RIGHT TO WEAR CONFEDERATE FLAG It's always amusing to watch people who believe in one symbol conflict with people who believe in another symbol. What's the difference? [Link] TENSIONS FLARE OVER TEXAS SCHOOL DISTRICT DRESS CODE, JUMPSUIT OPTION In the Social Construct, all attempts are made to unify the submitizen (even at an early age). Through unification (or uniformity/conformity) it is a means to dehumanize and de-individualize the person. Once a person has accepted this forced dehumanization and de-individualization, that person will easily succumb to perceived authority. Hence, it will be easier for that perceived authority to control and manipulate these future submitizens into acquiescence to their obedience. Apparently, in this particular situation, it doesn't seem to be working. [Link] PARENTS CHARGED IN STARVATION DEATH SUE CITY Would you be embarrassed to sue your master because your master didn't effectively tell you what to do? [Link] IS 'MEANING OF CANDY CANE' OK IN SCHOOLS? Yup, you read that right. Candy Cane. [Link] PROFESSOR UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR MOONING Do you think teachers the world over are getting nervous about just what could end up on YouTube? [Link] LA-BASED 99 CENT STORE TO RAISE PRICES Now, you know things are bad when the 99 cent story has to raise prices. Is this the end of Dollar Stores and 99 cent only stores? Where else are customers going to purchase tacky items for under a buck? [Link] PERSISTENT LAVATORY FLUSHER FACES EVICTION Again, yes, you read that correctly. Lavatory flusher. Sounds like a strange new form of superhero, doesn't it? [Link] August 12, 2008 WOMAN ASKED TO LEAVE MALL BECAUSE OF DRESS Isn't it weird how when people see something that sparks thoughts that they believe to be "bad" to occur in their own minds, they want to get rid of whatever it is causing such "bad" thoughts in their minds as quickly as possible? [Link] JUDGE BRANDS COURT WORKER AN 'ILLITERATE IDIOT' AFTER SPELLING WORD WRONG FOUR TIMES ON CHARGE SHEET See, the bureaucrats, as higher beings within the Social Construct, can't be behaving like the worker bees. It's embarrassing for the hierarchy if those on higher levels of the pecking order are grammatically dumber than those on the bottom. Or he could just be an "illiterate idiot." [Link] PENSIONERS BANNED FROM PLAYING CARDS See what happens when you have health insurance? You are required to pay health insurance in order to assure businesses that you are not going to sue them and absolve them from all liability should you decide to accidentally injure yourself. [Link] FIREFIGHTERS ARRIVED AT WESTON-SUPER-MARE BLAZE FIVE HOURS AFTER IT STARTED With the way bureaucracy is in the States (and UK seems to be even worse), it is not that difficult to believe that the fire brigade were not notified until five hours later. [Link] FIREFIGHTERS HEALTHY LUNG REMOVED "Thank you, Sir. Your operation was successful, seeing as how we did not have to remove any of the cancer....seeing as how you did not have cancer. We did get your lung though. That'll be fifty thousand pounds." [Link] COUPLE WARNED FOR FEEDING BIRDS IN THEIR GARDEN It's gotten to be quite a world, where people start complaining about nature.  [Link] LOCK, STOCK, & TWO BARRELS Again, with the people who can't control their own ideologically induced "bad" thoughts, trying to prevent everybody else from seeing or hearing movies. And this time they do it under the guise of "for the children." [Link] TEEN TEXTING EXPERT INSISTS ON BEING LETTER-PERFECT How can anyone not think that this useless news article is really a ploy to sell the LG phone? Consumer advertising/branding at its best. [Link] OUTRAGE OVER PREGNANT SHOP DUMMY Once more with the "bad" thoughts people having to remove from everyone's sight (so it can be removed from their sight) so they can avoid the "bad" thoughts. "I am NOT an ideological animal!" [Link] and now for today's Daily Illusion...Are you sure that's what you're looking at? PHOTOGRAPHY AS A WEAPON [Link] August 9, 2008 UNIVERSITY STUDENTS 'CANNOT SPELL' If we look at this through the eyes of the human brain, a lot can be said about the state of these students' brains if they are unable to grasp the basic forms of grammar and spelling (wherein even those who are english as a second language are performing better than the native english speakers). Much is implied by such a feat. Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis links language to thought and expression; if a person has developed using shortened language (i.e., text-language and emoticons) such that he or she is incapable of spelling that language correctly, what does that say about the thought process of that person? Does this mean that certain people are also incapable of complicated thought or nonlinear thought, or even autonomous or independent thought? [Link] COMPANIES FINED FOR SELLING DANGEROUS KIDS' CLOTHES Fear! Fear! Wonder how many "dozens" of children have died in the past twenty years? When you google strangulation hazards and drawstrings, most of the top results are more of this type of fear inducing articles. Fear! Fear! If you have fear, you will turn to whomever the "experts" say are "experts" and listen to whatever they tell you to do, and you will labor continuously so that you can continue to buy things that will make you "safe" and "secure" and allow you to sleep soundly (with the aid of some prescription) at night, to awake again at the sound of the alarm bell the next morning. Fear! Fear! [Link] COUPLE NABBED OVER UNPAID $10 TAX IN BARBERTON This may seem despicable or even reasonable. But what if this incident were not about seemingly absurd actions taken over a mere $10.12? What if this were really just an example? An example to learn you, the reader, about authority and obedience, culture and programmed, conditioned responses. And what if that example were really about portraying an entity to be all-powerful, all-knowing, and infallible? What if this were really an example demonstrating a short cut to critical thinking and question? What if that example were to strengthen an idea present only in the mind? What if this was all sociological and not governmental? [Link] 'NUCLEAR MODIFIED' CD SPARKS ISRAELI ALERT This may seem like the installation of paranoia, but do not be mistaken. Paranoia is part of the programming here, however, the paranoia is meant to be assumed in your mind. By surmising that this event was an overreaction (of course, that is not the only assumption, there are layers of others) for instance, means that credence and reality are given to the Defence Ministry, hence your assumption that Defence Ministry has power over you. In which case, you may then change your behavior to comply (or conform) with that perceived assumption.  [Link] OHIO POLICE HAVE OWN ODD 911 CALL ANECDOTES This is how deeply ingrained into the citizens brain that they are incapable of doing anything for themselves. That a person would think of the police and then call them (using the emergency number, no less) for situations such as those mentioned in this article, speaks volumes of dependency and reliance. It is also a bit disturbing, as you could end up in quite a bit of an hassle should you happen to be one of the unfortunate ones who become the butt of one these "emergency" calls. [Link] MOM SAYS CHILD'S TOY HAD A MOUTH LIKE A TRUCKER This would seem like a case in point of a parent attempting to control a child's environment. Why would someone want a toy recalled and/or removed from the shelves of a department store just because he or she was "offended" by some function the toy performed? What kind of person would want to do something like that? Seems a bit strange, doesn't it? [Link] SPECIAL LICENSES OFFERED TO THOSE WHO FEAR 'BEAST' Um, this is one of those stories you just have to read for yourself. [Link] and now for an interesting tidbit from the internet....Is it the End of the Shopping Mall? RETAILING -- BIRTH, DEATH AND SHOPPING [Link] August 7, 2008 LOGAN PAPER'S LESBIAN WEDDING AD HITS NERVES Ever wonder why the media tries to make something like this everybody's concern, in which you are supposed to choose one of two sides, either "for gay marriage" or "against gay marriage" (that are also surreptitiously presented by the same mediated article)? The reasons for choosing either side may vary, but are most likely pertaining to religion, or some other general belief. Once you have accepted either side of "this issue" your mind becomes preoccupied by the programmed responses of "offense" or "defense." Much like a football game, you are either offended that such an event would take place, let alone be printed in a newspaper for everyone to read, or you defend this couple's right to marry. Whichever side you choose, your mind is no longer your own, because through multiple layers of complex and intricate sociological, psychological, and neurological, as well as subtle, manipulations your mind has been emptied of all autonomous thought, and you have now left reality for the bigger, better, and more improved illusion of reality. In which case, you fail to realize that none of this matters one bit to anyone, from the ritual of marriage, to the labels used to evoke and invoke a particular emotion, to the newspaper, to media, etc.  Ever wonder exactly how many thoughts and conclusions are really your own? [Link] 'SNEAKER HEADS' GET THEIR FIX IN CENTER CITY This is consumption and egocentricity at its finest. Imagine a society in which the value of a footwear is measured in dollars, prestige, fame, ego, and vanity. Isn't that just a bit odd? Since when did footwear start to matter so much? Or perhaps sneaker heads might want to ask themselves about the art of branding and marketing.   [Link] HANDYMAN FIGHTS WITH CITY OVER FREE REPAIRS FOR NEIGHBORS Isn't it a bit strange that a man cannot offer free repair services to his neighbours because he must first have permission (permit) from the City? Doesn't that seem a bit odd? Why would he need a permit? And what constitutes what he is doing as a business? If what he is doing is a business, than what does that mean about all other businesses? [Link] BATTLE FOR BREASTS This is not about breastfeeding and whether or not breastfeeding is publicly offensive, but rather about policy. What happens when there is conflict between bringing in as much profit as possible for the shareholders of a business, and complying with an official policy? If consumers are unhappy (made known through an issue of complaint) then those consumers may not spend money, which is not good for business (or the shareholders). What to do? An entire thesis can be written on the multiple layers of cognitive manipulation from the business owner to the reader. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion....brought to you by the man who gave you the Quiet Rage: The Stanford Prison Experiment PEOPLE'S VIEWS ON TIME AFFECT HEALTH, WEALTH, RELATIONSHIPS [Link] August 1, 2008 CRUCIFIED FROG SCULPTURE NEAR POPE'S SUMMER HOLIDAY BASE PROVOKES PROTESTS Aside from this being extremely funny, why do people continue to insist upon trying to eradicate those objects in the world which they find offensive? It's fine that someone finds something offensive, but to believe that you also have the power to erase it from existence by "banning" it is just ludicrous. [Link] STUDENT CHARGED AFTER 9/11 STICKERS LEFT ON PLANE I guess "They" didn't get the joke. [Link] GEORGIA'S TAX HOLIDAY HAS 'ADULT' TWIST; INCLUDES SEXY LINGERIE Could it be that this is not really about lingerie and adult diapers, but about getting potential consumers (in this starved economy) to consume again, especially at one of the--usually--high times of consumption, back to school? By combining magic words such as "tax" and "holiday" and "economy" in with the implication to shop, what could be more analogous to during your part to boost the economy? You simply have to have respect for social engineering and human ecology. [Link] GEORGIA TOWN BUYS STRIP CLUB, CLOSES IT See, if they buy the strip club to shut down the strip club, then through the auspices of extreme magical thinking, the city will be safe from those who would frequent such a place. What is not fully realized, of course, is that if those who would frequent such a place do not have a place such as this strip club in which to vent their "needs" (or what have you) then they will have to search for some other way. This, technically, is not a better means to solve a "problem," but a means to perpetuate it. This type of irrational behavior, of course, is typical of a Social Construct: that of addressing the symptoms (or effects) of a problem rather than the cause. Sad, really; if not disturbing to some degree. [Link] FOR CHOCTAW STUDENTS, LOCKERS COST $5 EACH It's important in a social constructed civilization, to start the habit of obedience to paying fees for things (i.e., consumption, fines, tickets, etc.) off early...while kids (read: future buying/paying/indebted adults) are in the place they spend the most time in their young lives: school. [Link] WOMAN SURE SHE EXISTS; GOVERNMENT DOESN'T ACKNOWLEDGE HER This is what is known as a bureaucratic nightmare. [Link] DOZENS BLINDED IN INDIA LOOKING FOR VIRGIN MARY Uh, wow.... just wow. [Link] July 29, 2008 SALINAS THE CALIFORNIAN TOWN FIGHTING GANGS BY FASTING Shouldn't this be considered a type of magical thinking? MAGICAL THINKING: "irrational belief that one can bring about a circumstance or event by thinking about it or wishing for it; normal in preschool children, it also occurs in schizophrenia." (definition cited from the online Medical Dictionary ). Hmm.. [Link] 'DWI' COP IN CRUISER CRASH After reading this, ask yourself: Would this story had been half as interesting if it wasn't about a "cop"? Then ask yourself why is it that this person was a cop that makes this story interesting? Then promptly go to the nearest library and borrow a book about sociology, so you can answer your questions. [Link] AMERICANS DITCHING THE CAR Doesn't this strike any one as odd that the changing of digits can have this much influence over people's lives? How dependent have people become upon the things which they neither own, nor produce, nor benefit from the labor  necessary to "pay" for those things? [Link] GROUPS TO PRAY FOR LOWER PRICES AT GAS STATIONS Kindly refer to the Medical Dictionary link again regarding magical thinking. [Link] R U AMBU-TEXTROUS? Really, shouldn't everyone be embarrassed that a law was enacted for something like this? Doesn't this say that people are unthinking, that they are incapable of taking care of themselves or think for themselves, that they are unaware of their environment, stupid, and that they are apathetic and indifferent to all of that? Frankly, shouldn't one find this insulting to one's intelligence? [Link] EX-OLYMPIAN, 80, BANNED FROM RUNNING UP ESCALATOR This is not really an issue about his age, or that he was once an olympian. Those are merely the labels and identities that the newspaper uses to get others with like minded, pre-programmed social conditions and roles to take one side or the other of this event. Because the point is for the reader to take one side or the other of this event, and not to critically think about what has actually occurred. What is really going on here is that this man was banned from running up  and down an escalator, but not because he was old or running up and down the escalator was dangerous, but because the department store employee did not want to be responsible for reporting a potential fall from the old man, which involves the fear of being sued by the man who may fall (and then having those social labels and identities previously mentioned used against the department store), in which case money will have to be spent (and the employee possibly fired for not having stopped the man from running up and down the escalator). The fact of the matter is, the man is free to run up and down the escalator because that is his choice, and since that was his choice he is assumed to have full knowledge and awareness of the possible dangers of doing so, in which case, it would be his fault and his fault alone were he to fall, and not the fault of the department store at all. But if the world were not socially engineered to make  the reader look at the social labels and identities, that would mean that everyone was living in a free world, rather than the controlled, contrived, prescribed, unthinking world that it is. [Link] INTRODUCING GUY-LINER AND MANSCARA-THE NEW METROSEXUAL MAKEUP JUST FOR MEN Don't be fooled into thinking that this is really about crossing gender lines, or blurring gender lines, or any such social issue as that. This is really about opening a market to include a larger demographic, so that more revenue can be made from consumers desiring to consume more stuff so they can costume themselves in their ideal social roles, identity, and/or personality. It's not about being a "macho man" while still wearing makeup; it's about creating a new social identity for consumers to wear. This is social engineering at its finest. [Link] July 20, 2008 'RIDICULOUS HEALTH AND SAFETY RULES TELL CARPENTERS TO BAN THE BROOM When will it be be okay again for people to make up their own minds about their own health? I mean, isn't this just a bit too far? But then, notice that the reasons against it are always about money. Lesson learned: you can't fight absurdity with money. [Link] FRUSTRATED PARENTS SNEAK 'OLD MATH' TO KIDS Parents are sick of being left out of helping their kids with their schoolwork because they aren't able to do the schoolwork (this is nothing new in America). Schools are sick of parents sick of being left out of helping their kids with their schoolwork. Kids just want to get the heck out of school and back to sleeping in late during the summer. [Link] ESTATE AGENT WINS 30,000 (BRITISH POUNDS) COMPENSATION AFTER BOSS ORDERED HER TO GET SMALLER BREASTS Hey, a handful is enough. [Link] MAN SUES BECAUSE SKATES NOT ALLOWED IN STORE Enquiring minds want to know what's in the wheelchair? [Link] NEEDLE-EXCHANGE OPERATOR, DA CLASH Do you want me to do my job or not? [Link] REALITY BITES It's about time this was made into a mental illness. People should have been diagnosed with this years ago. Ask any celebrity who receives those "weird" fan letters. Or is this just an excuse not to accept reality? [Link] VILLAGE TO TRY TO CURTAIL CANDY THROWING DURING PARADES Sweets can be dangerous. Hey, kid, want some candy? Owww! [Link] DULUTH CONSIDERS FEES FOR POLICE, FIRE RESPONSE Help, I need the fire department. Do you take a post dated check? [Link] July 14, 2008 SCHOOL SACK RACES CANCELLED BY HEALTH AND SAFETY - BECAUSE THE CHILDREN MIGHT FALL OVER The reasoning here is, in order to protect the children from harm and danger, we must take everything and anything away from them that might be in the least bit fun. Or it's a liability issue. [Link] TEACHERS WIN RIGHT TO FRISK PUPILS FOR DRINK, DRUGS AND CIGARETTES Do you think this is allowed because they want to solve a problem, or because they want to solve a symptom of a greater problem that they don't really want to deal with or think about, or even have little meetings about? [Link] FAMILY ORDERED TO LEAVE RESTAURANT BECAUSE OF CRYING CHILD A restaurant is a place for eating, not for children who just can't abide by the unwritten socialized rules of conduct. [Link] U.S. SCHOOL REBUKED FOR IBUPROFEN STRIP SEAR When people ascribe to the policy is policy rule, then any common sense or sense of decency or intelligence immediately goes out the window. [Link] ITALIAN WINS DAMAGES OVER GAY DRIVING TEST RETAKE See, this whole thing with certain beliefs (or words) not being accepted because someone else's business happens to disagree with your general beliefs is at the point of utmost absurdity. The banning of words and other actions is due to the general belief that everybody must agree with only "my" point of view. Are people too stupid to understand that not everyone agrees with everyone? [Link] SAFETY WARNINGS A NEW CHAPTER FOR FAIRYTALES Need I say any more? [Link] July 11, 2008 CITY TO ENFORCE LAW ON LOST GUNS People who wear the uniform of authority will go to great lengths to ensure that they continue in their control over people who do not wear the uniform of authority. [Link] NOPD OFFICER PUNISHED FOR WEARING THE WRONG UNIFORM Listen, policy is policy. It doesn't matter how ridiculous it is, just shut up and follow the rules! [Link] FLINT POLICE CRACKING DOWN ON SAGGY PANTS It should be obvious how offensive it is to wear pants that sag and expose undergarments. Seriously, something really  must be done. I know! Call the Fashion Police (hum superhero theme here). [Link] 'MEN AT WORK' SIGNS TO DISAPPEAR IN ATLANTA How far will this ban on words go? In the Social Construct, to ban words means to ban thoughts, and to ban thoughts means to ban thinking, and to ban thinking means everybody is the same and equally mindless. [Link] 70,000 (BRITISH POUNDS) 'WASTED' ON TELLING PUPILS ELVIS WAS A GYPSY So, it doesn't matter that the pupils are being told what to think in schools, but that money was wasted on telling them Elvis was a gypsy? This kind of issue deflection, is known as mental misdirection. [Link] VIEWER ACCIDENTALLY SENT CHECKS TO WRONG BUSINESSES WHO THEN CASHED THE CHECKS This was one big "oops" all the way down the line. [Link] AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS CAN APPLY FOR JOBS IN BRAILLE Another instance of 'policy is policy.' (Disclaimer: This is not to be considered an outrage against blind people.) [Link] KILLER SORCERER FACES EXECUTION I bet you thought sorcerers were only in Harry Potter movies. [Link] TEXAS COUNTY OFFICIAL SEES RACE IN TERM 'BLACK HOLE' No, really, how far is this ban on words going to go? [Link] MAN SUES CHURCH OVER 'GOD INJURY' Yeah, um, you'll just have to read this for yourself. [Link] $142 COLLECTION BILL SENT TO COUPLE'S DOG You pet owners need to watch your pets' spending. [Link] TODDLERS WHO SAY 'YUCK' RACIST: STUDY Again, with the racist words. Is it possible for words to be racist? Pretty soon every word can be considered racist in some way. Then what? A ban on speaking? [Link] 'DESK RAGE' HITS AMERICA Another way in which the increase (and/or decrease) in digits displayed on a board is effecting your life. Can you say controlled? [Link] MUM'S POLICE CHECK FOR SCHOOL RUN Speaking of control.... [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion.... Another example of how the movements of a controlled people are manipulated through numbers. GOOD NEWS ABOUT $4 GAS? [Link]   July 7, 2008 WHY WAS THIS WOMAN PUT ON TRIAL? Ask yourself, who are the true terrors to your well-being? The mindless cashier at the corner convenient store, or some invented orator as seen on TV for your mental entertainment. Well, the cashier is much closer to home. [Link] POLICE SNIFFER DOGS TO WEAR BOOTEES DURING HOUSE SEARCHES TO AVOID OFFENDING MUSLIMS In the Social Construct, it is imperative that the submitizens are kept in a constant state of fear, victimization, and persecution, all while practicing current buzz action words "tolerance" and "diversity."  In this way, their obedience can be bought and sold to the highest bidder. [Link] MINISTER CALLS FOR CHILDREN TO BE LOCKED IN SCHOOL TO STOP THEM BUYING JUNK FOOD By proposing such a "solution" to the "keep children healthy" debacle, these children (and subsequently their parents) must be considered without the power to make their own decisions. [Link] PAGAN SYMBOLS CAN STAY IF PERMIT BOUGHT If Submitizens are allowed "freedom of religion" by their masters, isn't it a bit odd that permission (in the form of writing, "permit") would be necessary to have that freedom to religion? [Link] TOP POLICE MARKSMAN AWARDED 5,000 (BRITISH POUNDS) AFTER SENIOR OFFICER CALLS HIM 'SERIAL KILLER' IN JEST Seems like a small price to pay for hurting someone's feelings, don't you think? [Link] CRAZY SUMMER OF SWIMSUITS AND LAWSUITS Just when you thought it was safe to start wearing your speedos. [Link] VICAR ORDERS TWO-YEAR-OLD OUT OF CHURCH FOR TALKING DURING HIS PARENTS' WEDDING Really, children have to learn to be seen and not heard. That is the instruction-program that all people with assumed authority (and taking it seriously) want everyone to learn....and he commands it! [Link] SCHOOLBOYS PUNISHED WITH DETENTION FOR REFUSING TO KNEEL IN CLASS AND PRAY TO ALLAH "You will be tolerant and diversify yourself, or else!" Yes, tolerance and diversification always come easier when followed by threats. [Link] July 5, 2008 SCHOOL LOCKED DOWN AFTER 'NINJA' SIGHTED IN WOODS In the Circus known as The World, and being populated with xenophobic and fearfully programmed persons, a ninja can be quite scary, indeed. It could have been a terrorist come to kick the crap out of everybody. Don't you understand that those ninjas have lethal weapons as hands? [Link] MOON MISTAKEN FOR UFO Yes, that's right...a UFO. Maybe there's something to all this, though. It would be perfect camouflage. The moon/UFO is always following Earth around, spying on everyone. Moon rocks could really be information retrieval devices, gathering data looking for Earth's weak spots. And since the Pope says its okay to believe in aliens, well.... [Link] MINNESOTA TEEN CHARGED WITH SELLING VOTE ON EBAY People are going to have to realize that some people just do not have a sense of humor. Joking is dangerous. [Link] SEX EDUCATION 'SHOULD BEGIN AT FOUR' In the Social Construct, the schools inform your children, not the parents. Didn't you know? [Link] COURT RULES ON NOISY CHICKEN In the Social Construct, your neighbors will run to the Judge-Master to re-enforce your programming so that you will change your behavior to comply with their right to entitled wishes. [Link] ACCOUNTANT FOR RACHEL RAY SHOW CLAIMS ANOREXIA BIAS Okay, what could be more apt than a man with anorexia suing a cooking show? I mean, sometimes, you just have to wonder if you are not walking around in a perpetual episode of Candid Camera (or for the younger generation, an episode of Punk'd). [Link] MIDLOTHIAN FATHER ADMITS HE LOCKED DAUGHTERS IN CAGE IN TRUCK, COPS SAY So, do you think he will be voted 'Father of the Year'? [Link] July 4, 2008 EMPLOYEES WORKED WITH BROKEN ARMS If this isn't enough to demonstrate that when you work as a slave, er, employee of a master, er, company, then you can be treated any damn well they please. [Link] ANOTHER BRICK IN THE 'WALL-E' Honestly, when did people stop realizing that movies are not reality? Oh, they never could tell the difference between fantasy and reality, hence the Social Construct. [Link] AIRLINE DENIES DYING FLORIDA MAN BOARDING AT BIA The reason that the airline gives as to why the dying Florida man could not board is what makes this absurd. [Link] FEN-PHEN LAWYER MILLS IS FOUND NOT GUILTY This guy wins the Darwin award for excuses. [Link] 'SPITE' BITE BY TROOPER This ought to teach you not to piss off people wearing uniforms of assumed authority. [Link] PEEPING TOM VICTIMS TOLD TO FIX BLINDS Okay, the next time you want to put on a little show, remember to fix your blinds. [Link] SUSPECTED GANG MEMBER ARRESTED FOR STEALING LITTLE GIRL'S TRIKE This is just one of those stories that make you laugh. [Link] COUPLE WHO LET LAWN DIE TO SAVE WATER FACE FINE This often happens in a law saturated Social Construct. The question is: which law are you allowed to follow? [Link] EMPLOYEE SUSPENDED OVER BURGUNDY HAIR COLOR It's the little details that can cause the most trouble. [Link] A SMOOTH GETAWAY When peer pressure can get a little tricky. [Link] WOMAN IN TROUBLE FOR FLYING AMERICAN FLAG IN NEIGHBORHOOD Honestly, it seems you just can't please anybody...even when you are complying with the correct symbols. [Link] LAW BANNING ANNOYING PEOPLE DURING POPE'S VISIT TO AUSTRALIA CRITICIZED You kids stop teasing each other while your Father is around! [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion...Would you believe? IT'S THE LAW [Link] May 31, 2008 COLORED CIGARETTE PACKETS TO BE BANNED You know something's up, when bright colors can highly influence young childrens' decisions. Who says that advertisers are not after your mind? [Link] JAPANESE WOMAN CAUGHT LIVING IN MAN'S CLOSET Wouldn't everyone want this kind of tenant? She was obviously quiet and ate little; definitely couldn't have been too much of a drain on resources. [Link] POLICE HUNT FOR ROBBERS WEARING THONGS AS MASKS Could it be said that at least they had good fashion sense? Can't have those unsightly seams showing during times like these! [Link] FOX NEWS WORKER SUES OVER BEDBUGS IN OFFICE Hm...I guess the charge could be failing to prevent the bedbugs from biting? [Link] THE FADING OF THE MIRAGE ECONOMY This is what happens when people have no idea about what the social construct called economy really is. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion....have you checked your garbage lately? INTO THE TRASH IT GOES [Link] May 28, 2008 MERCY COUNTY WOMAN CHARGED WITH ILLEGALLY SELLING FEATHERS It seems it is illegal to possess and sell feathers. Yes, that's right....feathers. [Link] SHOCK JOCK MADDEN REMOVED FROM THE AIRWAVES Is there a grey line for what subjects can and cannot be considered a joke? [Link] WORKER SAYS SHE LOST JOB OVER HARRY POTTER DISPUTE How many people do you think realize that Harry Potter is a fictional character in a book? [Link] WOMAN 'MARRIED' TO BERLIN WALL FOR 29 YEARS Ummm. . .  [Link] MAN NABBED FOR SQUIRTING HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS WITH SOY SAUCE FILLED WATER PISTOL Do you think he was nabbed because he squirted high school girls or because he used soy sauce and ruined their clothes? [Link] CLYMER WANTS TO TAX STRIP CLUBS In some places within the Social Construct, nothing is safe from being taxed. [Link] SPANISH TWIN SUES FOR MIX-UP Are hospitals the place you supposedly go to get well anymore? [Link] DOG MISSES PLANTED DRUGS IN JAPAN, CUSTOMS EMBARRASSED This is just plain hilarious. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion. . .Creativity at its finest to exploit your purchasing power (and your mind): A new outlook on branding. 14 Creative Advertisements [Link] May 27, 2008 ENVIRONMENT FRIENDLY BOMBS PLANNED So, the answer to war and bombing, is to make environment friendly bombs, rather than, oh, and I don't getting rid of bombs altogether? [Link] VET FACES LAWSUIT FOR FLYING AMERICAN FLAG Isn't it just a little bit ironic that a man who fought for a "free" country and because he is flying the american flag (which is used as a symbol of "freedom") is threatened with legal action if he does not remove the flag from his yard. [Link] LOUISIANA BARBER TICKETED FOR WORKING ON SUNDAY, MONDAY Although, you may want to believe that this article is a joke, it isn't. [Link] A GUIDE TO UNDISCIPLINED MESSAGING This serves as an informational example of modern day newspeak. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion...Can You Tell The Difference? PICTURE PERFECT [Link] May 23, 2008 TEEN ACCUSED OF BITING BUTTS AT WAL-MART This was just funny, but the absurdity is because there is such a complaint as "rear end assaults." [Link] SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA SCHOOL BOARD MEMBER ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY BREAKING WINDOW You're not just owned during labor camp hours, you're also owned on your time, too. Obey always! [Link] READING SCHOOL DIRECTOR BLASTS COLLEAGUE FOR BLOG REMARKS This is what happens when the representatives of the Social Construct battle over their own Social Constructs. [Link] YORK COUNTY JUDGE ORDERS THE REMOVAL OF WRIGHTSVILLE MAYOR In-fighting of mental constructs among the agents of the Social Construct. [Link] ROGGIO ADMITS MISTAKE IN CRITICIZING GERLACH Isn't it comforting to know that the agents of the Social Construct are as childish as the slaves in the Social Construct? [Link] TEACHERS GIVEN RIGHT TO SCREEN PUPILS' COMPUTERS AND MOBILE PHONES IN CRACKDOWN ON SCHOOL GANGS In the Social Construct, steps are taken to prevent you from doing something that you may do or not do in the future. [Link] MOTHER FINED 300 POUNDS FOR PUTTING BIN OUT EARLY Listen, how many times do you have to be told to obey all rules?! [Link] COURT SWATS FLY-IN-WATER LAWSUIT I just thought this was funny.  [Link] OAP STABBED OVER PIECE OF CAKE Uh, yes, you read that correctly, but the true  absurdity comes when you read the entire article. [Link] OPERATION RESPECT See, this is what happens when a newly installed mental construct conflicts with an older mental construct. [Link] WOMAN LOSES HOME OVER $68 DENTAL BILL This is to teach you what happens when you get locked up in the bureaucratic mill created by belief in the Social Construct. [Link] May 22, 2008 CONTROVERSY OVER GREEN FUEL AD CAMPAIGN A wonderful performance of the Social Construct in action.  [Link] 220,000 CONDOMS OFF TO MYANMAR With all that you might be worried about, at least you wouldn't have to worry about bringing another mental construct carrier into the world. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion...This is demonstrative of just how long people have been programmed. 12 CRAZY OLD ADS [Link] May 20, 2008 MEXICAN DONKEY JAILED FOR ORNERY BEHAVIOR This is absurd and funny. [Link] HAMAS BANS PORN WEB SITES IN GAZA STRIP When one cultural construct prohibits another cultural construct from invading their mental constructs. [Link] 'SEX AND THE CITY' ADS BANNED IN 2 ISRAELI CITIES Again, one social construct refusing to authorize any potentially dangerous words from invading their mental constructs. [Link] POLL WORKER SAYS 'TIGHT PANTS' CONTRIBUTED TO GAFFE I really cannot say much on this, except to warn you that this story is not a satire, even though it reads like one. [Link] U.S. COURT: DOLLARS DISCRIMINATE AGAINST BLIND I'm wondering how it is possible for the Federal Reserve to discriminate against any of its mental slaves. When an imaginary object is called into question, does it make that imaginary object more real? [Link] TEENAGER FACES PROSECUTION FOR CALLING SCIENTOLOGY 'CULT' Again, with the dangerous words. [Link] GAS STATION EMPLOYEE FIRED FOR FIGHTING OFF ROBBER When will everyone learn that everyone must obey, no matter what the circumstance. [Link] May 18, 2008 NOTTINGHAM 'STUDENT' DETAINED UNDER TERRORISM ACT The Omnipotent Parent strikes again! [Link] SCHOOL WON'T LET STUDENT BRING DROPOUT BOYFRIEND TO PROM And for the next exhibit: an example of persons who think they can control everyone when it comes to stepping onto their territory. [Link] U.S. SOLDIER USES QURAN IN TARGET PRACTICE This is just ridiculous. Everyone's mental constructs must be protected! [Link] PARENTS TO SUE MAKER OF METAL BASEBALL BATS OVER SON'S INJURY When one individual does something to another individual, some master, overlord, Omnipotent Parent,etc. must be to blame and must do something about it. Reminiscent of "I'm telling my mommy that you hit me!" [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion: A little dose of how the illusion manipulates and controls your mind. ADS OF THE WEIRD [Link] May 16, 2008 STUDENTS TO FACE CONSEQUENCES FOR WEARING SENIOR T-SHIRT Only in a Social Construct can wit and humor be feared and troublesome. [Link] LITTLE LEAGUER BENCHED FOR MOM'S NO-SHOW The one thing that can be said about a Social Construct is that it has no biases against whom it levies its absurd attacks. [Link] BANK WANTS COUPLE TO PAY BACK $177,000 DEPOSITED IN ERROR It is an act of absurdity to first insist that the digits belong to you, then demand those digits to be repaid. [Link] POOL HALL OWNER GUILTY OF VIOLATING RULES The Enforcers of the Illusion will find some way to make you believe. [Link] TEACHER TRIED TO BUY DRUGS FROM STUDENT What can I say? The Gestapo turning on the Gestapo! [Link] 8TH GRADER PUSHING LEGISLATION TO MAKE STREETS SAFER Is this today's Hitler Youth Movement? [Link] OFFICE WORKER AWARDED 5,000 POUNDS FOR BOSS FARTING IN HER DIRECTION I, uh, don't know what to say... [Link] DUTCH CARTOONIST ARRESTED FOR 'INSULTING PEOPLE' This will teach people not to mock illusions. [Link] May 15, 2008 TESCO BAN ON ALCOHOL SALES TO PARENTS As is prevalent here in The Circus known as The World, when you want to stop underage drinking, the way to go is definitely to prevent their parents from buying alcohol, too. Or at least that's what Tesco believes. [Link] NYC CABBIE IS FINED $1,000 FOR FOUL-MOUTHED TIRADE Only in a Social Construct can words (especially those delivered through a foul mouth) cause harm. To what? Well, other prescribed and pre-conceived, installed words, of course. [Link] PASTOR TO CATHOLICS: 'GREAT WHORE' NO MORE One religious belief apologizes to another religious belief. [Link] PRIVATE PIERCINGS RAISING PUBLIC ALARM Well, in a Social Construct where Fear reigns supreme, piercings could be a danger. [Link] STUDENT 'SUSPENDED OVER NEWS STORY' People who believe themselves to have massive amounts of authority tend to then abuse that (delusional) power. [Link] GRAPHICS ARTS CLASS GETS OVERLY GRAPHIC In a Social Construct, even an accident can get you into trouble. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion....A choice: "Believe what you think" or "Discover what is" The Astronomers [Link] May 14, 2008 SECOND GRADERS CHARGED IN THREAT This is what happens when Adults, installed with their Purpose of Importance, start taking themselves way too seriously. [Link] PUPILS GO WILD ON SPIKED SCHOOL DINNERS Is it really necessary to spike the school dinners in order to keep kids under control? [Link] MOM SUES CITY OVER FECES Poop happens....and this mother is willing to sue because of it. [Link] TO CURB TRUANCY, DALLAS TRIES ELECTRONIC MONITORING This is what is known as treating a symptom not a cause. [Link] 'FLAG GUY' WALKS TO SPARK PATRIOTISM This will learn us all about war: let us all band together and...walk...with a flag...to show support. [Link] VATICAN: IT'S OK TO BELIEVE IN ALIENS Well, now that we have the Vatican's permission... [Link] MAN FINED FOR BUCKLING IN BEER, LEAVING KID LOOSE What's more absurd: the father or him being fined for his absurdity? [Link] FATHER JAILED AFTER DAUGHTER FAILS TO GET DIPLOMA Don't you think this is taking responsibility a little too far? [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion....This time treat your eyes to some illusions (rather than your mind). OPTICAL ILLUSIONS AND PICTURES [Link] May 12, 2008 STUDENT'S DOG CLASHES WITH CULTURE AT LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL A student-teacher, who keeps a dog named Emmit at his side at all times because he has Epilepsy, finds himself in a bit of a pickle when Emmit's presence is against his student's culture at the local high school. [Link] SOUTHWEST PASSENGER CITED FOR CELL PHONE CHATTER And in this attraction, talking on your cell phone can be  labeled 'Disorderly Conduct'.  [Link] IOWA MAN CHARGED WITH THROWING CANDY AT POLICE Only in the land of Absurdity can candy be a dangerous weapon. [Link] MAN SAYS JETBLUE PILOT FORCED HIM TO SIT ON TOILET The question then becomes, where did the other passengers go to the bathroom? [Link] A LOOK INSIDE LOCAL CUDDLE PARTIES This is where you go when your Social Construct just isn't working anymore. [Link] WOMAN FIRED FOR GIVING 16-CENT TREAT TO TODDLER It's another one of those acts of kindness equals bad in the Circus known as The World. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion...Can you tell the difference between CGI and Reality? FAKE OR PHOTO? [Link] May 11, 2008 FART TAX ON CATTLE This absurd attraction lends a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Who cut one?" [Link] RCMP SUBDUE HOSPITALIZED MAN, 82, WITH TASER Just when you thought that at least hospitals were safe from the cry, "Don't tase me, Bro!" Absurdity strikes again. [Link] MAN ACCUSED OF PROVIDING ILLEGAL TAXI SERVICE When acts of kindness are worth $2,000 in fines, acts of absurdity have gone wild. [Link] DRIVER KILLS DOG, THEN SUES OWNERS FOR DAMAGE Yes, you read that correctly. [Link] PEDOPHILE ESCAPES JAIL FOR ABUSING GIRL, 11, AFTER JUDGE SAYS 'SHE WELCOMED SEX' You'll just have to read this for yourself to comprehend the levels of absurdity. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion....Bet you didn't know that Illusion was a Science! ILLUSION SCIENCES: WHY ARE WE SURPRISED BY ONLY SOME OF THE THINGS THAT WE SEE? [Link] May 9, 2008 3 SUSPENDED FOR NOT STANDING FOR PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE "Three small-town eighth-graders in Minnesota were suspended by their principal for not standing Thursday morning for the Pledge of Allegiance." [Link] VEGETABLE OIL FUEL CARS -- AND TAX BILLS "Diesel owners who switch to cooking grease can run afoul of the law." [Link] BRITISH AIRWAYS TAKES BEEF OFF THE MENU TO AVOID OFFENDING HINDUS "For decades the national dish has been a staple meal on the national carrier. But now British Airways has taken beef off the menu for economy passengers amid concerns about its 'religious restrictions'." [Link] TEACHER JOBLESS AFTER STERN APPEARANCE "A Southington teacher who appeared on the Howard Stern Show no longer has a job at Thalberg Elementary School." [Link] BILL WOULD REQUIRE FEE FOR SOME WHO RECEIVE CHILD SUPPORT "A bill which would require a $25 annual fee to be paid by some Pennsylvania parents who receive child support is under consideration in the House." [Link] FREE SPEECH HARASSMENT "IN November, I was found guilty of "racial harassment" for reading a public-li brary book on a university campus." [Link] NEVADA JUDGE ACCUSED OF DEMANDING ROYAL TREATMENT "Elizabeth Halverson is a judge. But the way courthouse staffers see it, she expects to be treated like a queen." [Link]   May 8, 2008 NUNS ARE TURNED AWAY FROM INDIANA POLLS UNDER VOTER ID LAW "A dozen nuns and an unknown number of students were turned away from polls Tuesday in the first use of Indiana's stringent voter ID law since it was upheld last week by the U.S. Supreme Court." [Link] MONOPOLY BRAND ELECTRONIC BANKING EDITION "Wheel and deal your way to a fortune even faster using debit cards instead of cash!" [Link] SOCIAL SECURITY CHECKS GO MISSING "This is something that happens every month somewhere in the country, Diviny added. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the postal service finds the checks." [Link] PENNSYLVANIA STUDENT DECIDES TO MAKE GENDER CHANGE "It is extremely rare for a child to decide that he or she wants to change gender, but it has happened at a local elementary school."  [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion...Can you tell reality from non-reality? AMAZING 3D SIDEWALK ART [Link] May 7, 2008 OHIO JUDGE TO DECIDE MAN'S FATE FOR SHARING SNACK CAKE "A judge in southern Ohio must decide whether to send a man to prison for sharing a Little Debbie snack cake." [Link] MAGIC TRICK COSTS TEACHER JOB "Well, another Pasco County substitute teacher's job is on the line, but this time it's because of a magic trick. The charge from the school district — Wizardry!" [Link] (Only in Pennsylvania) WHAT'S THE STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA'S IMAGE? For all of you who were thinking about traveling or relocating to Pennsylvania: read this first. [Link] and for today's Daily Illusion... Ever wondered what was beneath all that cuteness on your favorite toys? THERE'S A ROBOT BENEATH THE FLUFF [Link] May 5, 2008 PEOPLE OF LESBOS TAKE GAY GROUP TO COURT OVER TERM 'LESBIANS' "A Greek court has been asked to draw the line between the natives of the Aegean Sea island of Lesbos and the world's gay women." [Link] OBESE INMATE SUES JAIL BECAUSE HE'S LOST 100 POUNDS "An inmate awaiting trial on a murder charge is suing the county, complaining he has lost more than 100 pounds because of the jailhouse menu." [Link] FLA. COPS CHARGE 8 YEAR OLD WITH FELONY BATTERY "WBBH-TV says a fight over crayons led to felony charges against an 8-year-old boy in Fort Myers, Fla." [Link] CHURCH APPLIES FOR DRINKS LICENSE "A vicar is to apply for a drinks licence so he can sell wine and beer at his small village church." [Link] OHIO JUDGE TO DECIDE MAN'S FATE FOR SHARING SNACK CAKE "A judge in southern Ohio must decide whether to send a man to prison for sharing a Little Debbie snack cake. The case involves 21-year-old Timothy Caudill, who last year was held in a residential community corrections program in Nelsonville for breaking into a bar." [Link] and now for today's Daily Illusion...What Do You See? DOUBLE PICTURE ILLUSION [Link]